Camping. Ahh, the chance to ditch those concrete walls and the stresses of everyday life for a synthetic shelter and the tranquillity of surrounding nature.
It’s a time to kick back and unwind, embrace some solitude or share memories with loved ones.
Whether you’re using the trip to get muddy and work up a sweat in the great outdoors, or to just enjoy rocking the socks ‘n’ sandals around the campsite, waking up late, cooking a big ‘ol campstove breakfast and then kicking back in your chair with a good book.
Camping really is one of the greatest things in the world.
And campsites can be bubbling communities, filled with like-minded folk and a heartwarming atmosphere. But, if you’re not bothered about getting on with your fellow campers, then this is the article for you.
These are 14 sure-fire ways to be the worst person at the campsite, with characteristics I KNOW you’ll have come across before!
14 Ways to be the Worst Person at the Campsite
1. Allow your dogs to cause carnage
We really love dogs. I mean, who doesn’t?
But if you really want to drive your temporary neighbours up the wall, bring a completely untrained pedigree chum to the campsite and let it run wild.
I’m talking about steaming presents outside other peoples’ tents, 24-7 barking, any passers-by being chased and malled. Oh, and lots of constantly gatecrashed picnics. Because, if you’re eating your food on the floor, you’re asking for it!
To really do the job properly, instead of trying to encourage some good behaviour from the canine, just look on with a smile as the carnage unfolds.
We all know the majority of a dog’s life is spent searching for food and shitting on the floor – it’s natural. So you can be sure the anger from the tent-dwellers will be directed at you, the owner.
2. And bring kids that do just the same (just with more noise)
It’s pretty much the same situation. Barking, shitting, chaos and noise.
Bring little Timmy and siblings along with you – your little cherubs – feed them a constant diet of Panda Pops and E numbers, then let them run riot for a weekend of sugar-induced rage.
Remember: once you’ve arrived at the campsite – it’s your holiday time! Parenting can continue once you return back home.
3. Get the lad chants going at 4 am
‘Sweet Caroline, duh duh duuuh’
You and your chums are having a whale of a time, going through the tinnies like nobody’s business. The sun has gone down and inhibitions go out the tent window. Things are getting wild. The moment one of the gang’s phone goes off to the tune of Sweet Caroline, that’s the perfect moment for the lad chanting to commence…
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4. Ask to borrow things and then never bring them back
Camping is all about community and meeting fellow outdoor lovers. And as a wise bearded fella once said: “help thy neighbour”.
So for sure, when your neighbour comes to borrow a can opener, lighter or a condiment – all easily forgotten things, it’s always nice to smile and say “of course”. Who knows, it could be the start of a new friendship?
So if you want to wreck that chilled camping vibe, make sure you’re the borrower that doesn’t bring things back. This is especially infuriating the next morning when your neighbour has to hunt around the campground for their can opener, just to crack open some breakfast beans.
5. Make love REALLY loud
Tents are intimate places and when you’re surrounded by beauty, nobody can blame you for wanting to make sweet love.
With such thin tent walls, if you really cause a racket, perhaps your neighbours can share the monumental conception of your firstborn too.
6. Leave a food explosion at the washing sink
Here’s a great tip for peeing off the rest of the site: see how much food and debris you can leave sprayed around the kitchen sink. Bonus points for greasy orange flicks going up the walls and a blocked plug!
7. Leave the floater of a lifetime to scare the next toilet occupant
After some big days off campground eating, it’s completely normal to produce some rather impressive objects in the cubicle. Hell, perhaps it’s even photo-worthy?
Don’t have a camera with you? Leave that proud ol’ jobbie in all its glory for the next toilet-user. I’m sure that’ll do the trick at 7 am on a Sunday morning.
8. Put those BBQs on the floor and leave grass burns
“But how is one BBQ mark going to hurt anyone?”
This is exactly the mentality to have if you want to drive other campers up the wall. And it’s not just for burn marks on grass, the ‘just a little bit can’t do too much damage’ approach is perfect for getting on peoples’ nerves.
9. Assume every likes your music
Music is such a beautiful thing. With such a huge variety, there are SO many genres that the type of music you LOVE could make other peoples’ skin itch.
For some real bad camping karma, blast that music at all hours of the day!
10. Raise the alarm
Campsites are full of alarms going off. Whether it’s to get you up to take on that mountain or watch that sunrise, everyone wakes up and drops off at different times.
To really annoy the rest of the ranks, camp next to lots of other tents, opt for a super loud alarm and proceed to sleep for as long as possible at the crack of dawn. The more neighbours you can wake up the better.
11. Who needs a toilet?
In a big campsite, the occasional bush-peeing under the cover of darkness is widely accepted (just us?). Want to become the most unpopular person at the campsite? See how close you can do it to peoples’ tents before you get caught!
12. Become the camping know-it-all
“That’s really not the best tent for this kind of climate… how heavy is it anyway?”
“You should really just re-pitch that tent, it’s all wrong”
A little friendly advice or recommendations can be warmly received but to really rub people up the wrong way, let the camping know-it-all in you shine through!
Make sure to spray that camping knowledge to every fellow camper, dissect their camping packing list, criticise their pitching techniques and make sure to brag about all of your top-of-the-range gear.
13. Camping next to each other
This one can be a mixed bag.
In a big open field, try camping right next to the only other tent. I mean, really cross-crossing tent guidelines.
Now for some super friendly happy campers, they might see this as an invitation to make chums and form a nice bubble of friendship.
Others might feel like your stepping on their toes, march out of their tent steaming and ask you to relocate.
OR, the very British approach would be to come out with a smile and give a nice warm greeting, only to scream frustrations to their camping party behind closed tent doors.
14. Forget about those recycling bins
It’s brilliant when campsites supply all of the facilities for you to have a truly sustainable camping trip.
So, if you want to really wind people up – campsite owners included – completely disregard all recycling options and just chuck your trash in the closest bin.
I mean, they’re lucky you’re taking it to any bin at all.
A final note (do I even need to say it?)
If you’ve made your way to this point, I’m sure you’re aware that this is NOT what you should do at a campsite. It’s like the complete opposite. Literally, YOU SHOULD DO THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE!
This article was inspired after witnessing all of them (some more regularly than others).
Camping really is the experience of a lifetime. And, more often than not, it’s your fellow campers that can make it extra special. So – and there aren’t many times I’ll say this – steer clear of all the tips in this article!